I really need a friend. With benefits.
Am I just being crazy? Two months without any sex. I’ve lasted 18 years without sex, why can’t I live without it now? Maybe because the last two years of that last relationship was just sex, sex, sex, no connection, no talking, no whatsoever. It was either we were fighting or we were having sex. So guess what I chose? Yup. Don’t judge me. I’m sure you’ve done it before.
02/02/2015 – So I’ve downloaded an app called Tinder. Just because I saw all my single friends on it and I was like hey why not, it’s not like I’m going to take this seriously. In all honesty – it’s hella fun. Swiping dudes left or right. He’s cute, ahh nah that dude is definitely not cute. Which one is him? The hell that’s not even a picture of a human being. Talking to random people, it definitely gets my mind off my past relationship. I think that’s all we really need, to just talk to someone, doesn’t even have to be “talking talking” it just can be polite conversation. Wait — who the hell is this?
It’s a match!
You and Mark have liked each other.
Don’t you live on laddie way? Or rent out your house to people?
Who the fuck.. It’s 2AM, so it’s a little creepy getting a message like this in the middle of the night. Mind you, I’m still a little cracked out from the weekends before, just popping a ton amount of pills trying to forget the pain of my last relationship. Of course the conversation goes on very generic – how do you know me, how do you know where I live, oh you’ve met my dad? I guess that’s cool. I start to really look at his tinder profile, now I remember why I swiped right, because his profile made me chuckle. It said “100% herp free.” How serious is this guy?
Finally adds me on facebook, we have 130 mutual friends, and for the life of me I do not remember ever meeting him in middle school or even in high school. Huh. He’s heard of me before, and knows of me, but sorry babe, I don’t remember you at all! Haha.
Of course he’s 2012, comes from the same class as my ex. A little skeptical because class of 2012 was full of shitty people. So of course, I force him into the friend zone and start to call him the friend-zoning names: you fool, nigga, and can’t forget the best nickname – dude. And well, the conversation on facebook messenger was endless after that, surprisingly.
Lmfao this is golden. Not even sure how we managed to not meet all these years
The really generic – oh so you go to SJSU? Me too. What’s your major? Bio-chem? You work at Starbucks? Man that’s cool. What’s my order? Umm don’t judge me but it’s a hot chocolate and a butter croissant. Yes. I will spend $5.20 on a tall hot chocolate and a butter croissant. You want me to get you a bagel at school? What? Wait you wanna get high? I’m coming from H&M at the Great Mall. I’m not about to drive all the way back to the Eastside. You’re a fool, haha.
This goes on for four days. Until that fateful rainy ass day on February 6th, the Friday afternoon where I had an 11am-8pm shift at work.